Meme: Write on Writing

True to form, I face any challenge with equal parts dread and exhilaration. This meme is no different. (Thanks Prema.) Also true to form, the question comes at the most perfect time; an opportunity for reflection in this time of insane action is most perfect and welcome.

First off, when faced with anything, my mind always goes to rules, parameters. Do I make a list? How many items? How much can I say? Is this too much?, and so forth. So in order to calm my brain, I'll just give you my list and get that out of the way:

1. apple
2. cat
3. blank page
4. facing your fear
5. getting it down

Done.

Ok, now for the real deal…because I want to rise to the challenge of the question.

First of all, I don't think of myself as a "Writer," capital W. I don't immerse myself in books, in literature, in ways to turn a phrase. I'm not studied, or even well-read. I write in half-phrases, I make up words, I start sentences with And and Because, and most importantly, I listen. I listen to the inner chain of words as they tumble out of my head and onto the page, because I write like I am speaking to you. That's why I work best in silence. No interruptions, no banging of dishes or boundary-less telephone conversations. Drive-by stereos and other audible invasions kill my flow. That's why I write when I should be sleeping, or when everyone is out of the house.

For me, there is an urgency to my writing. I write when I have something to say, something to process and extract, to get it out, to put it "out there" as opposed to closed up "in here." I write to create order out of my mental chaos. I suppose my writing is urgent and passionate and messy, and I suppose my brashness has also gotten me into trouble. But I mainly write to please myself first now.

Writing for me is an expression no different than picking up a tomato, looking at it, and deciding to chop it up and throw it in a hot pan with some olive oil and garlic I've crushed with the side of my knife. As I slip in some capers and perhaps a dash of white wine, toss it with linguine and grate some pecorino over the top, I think, huh, it's just a tomato, it's just pasta, what's the big deal?

I find that a solid commitment for a specific goal is easier than the never-ending "I'm going to write about my life…" It's really about deciding to do something, and just doing it. Then you just focus and write….chop wood, carry water. (Of course, editing is another matter, especially when other people's words find their way into your piece and completely change your intended meaning. Surrender.)

I write best when I combine it with something physical like jogging, doing stairs, or gardening. The physicality gets me out of my head and into a flow of consciousness, or a "channeled" workspace. This is where ideas just come and I've learned to trust that this works for me. It always does. All I have to do is show up, listen, and I am provided with what I need.

But I can't tell a story to save my life. I know nothing about structure and character development, plot and arc. I don't sit around thinking up interesting characters, putting them in far-fetched situations, moving them around like so many players in a game of chess. That's way too difficult for me. I'm much more intuitive about my approach. I write what I see, what I think, what I question, what I know. I write to clarify my experience, to find meaning within the context and the relationships in my life, and to distill it down to its essence onto the page. At least, that's what I attempt to do.

See, at the heart of it all, it's all about me…but "me" as I see myself all fucked up and messy and insecure, with my own take on things. And the older I get and the more confident I am with that, with who I am, the more I see that writing about "me" is really about "we" because we are all interconnected and we share so many like experiences. The universality of human nature, of human experience, extracted from one person's journey is fascinating. It inspires us. It informs us. It unites us and gives us hope.

I so value our online circle of support. You are all deeply cherished. Thanks for letting me spew. And now, in the interest of keeping the fun rolling, I tag Nancy. Although we have not yet met, you sound like one fab lady. You're it.

...update coming soon...