Thursday, March 22, 2007

How Far Can I Take This?

As I ponder just how deep I wish to delve into this public school advocacy journey, gathering like-minded parents to harness, uplift and embrace Westside neighborhood schools, juxtaposed with the quicksand of all that is LAUSD and the community's disparate agendas, I am alternately excited, filled with hope and optimism--"it's do-able!" and also dread and exhaustion--"just how much effort can one repeatedly expend through one's life!" Or more succinctly, "not so do-able!" I have flashes of "do I really need yet another fixer-upper project in my life?" and "when does it get to the easy part?"

Just how far can I take this?

As I step into the street, arms sweaty, lungs open from my morning run, I am filled with a sense of ever-expanding power--a self that is grounded yet so vast it stretches across the entire intersection, where anything is possible:

"As far as I want it to go!"

This is the knowingness that rises when holding the question.

Isn't this always the answer?

It is the mind that doubts, the body that tires and weakens, and the spirit that sinks. Yet it is with connection and determination, joining forces with others toward a common goal, each one adding her strength, vision, momentum; together we can build anything.

I am as big as I want to be
I am as capable as I want to be
I am as vast as eternity
All things are possible
You just need to be willing.
I am willing.

I am reminded of this as I climb The Steps. Same steps, endless steps. Step…step…step…step. Steady, easy pace, consistent rhythm; this is not a race. One foot in front of the other, step…step…step…a moving meditation all the way to the top, the top no different than the bottom, nothing in-between but steps, focus, breathing, moving, kicking aside worry, doubt, negativity, thought even. Just step. Do it. Done. Next.

"As far as I want it to go!"

And on another topic, the question is not can I write, but rather, what do I want to write about? Where do I want to devote my time, my energy? What do I want to spend the next year on?

A series of ideas bubble up to the surface. Salt crusts over my face forming sandy crystals. The sweat evaporates. I am ready to start. One foot in front of the other.

I am grateful for the time, the years, the preparation, the healing, and the knowledge.

And now, I must do.

And so it is.



Jerri said...

This is a stunning piece, T.

And you're right. You CAN write, girl. I can't wait to see where you go and how brightly you shine.

Prema said...

It's totally clear: you are a woman who moves. You move. You allow yourself to expand, open your lungs, take in the air, and run. Life needs women like you. And so, whatever you desire, my dear. Bid it. Affirm it. It's yours. And that's your service. Love.