The following insight was written as I contemplated the word "surrender" during an intensive Vinyasa Flow Yoga series with Max Strom, taken after a long period of physical and emotional recovery. I offer it up to you or anyone else and hope it is helpful:
I bow down, humbly, and surrender my chaos, my hurt, my pain, my tension, my struggle. And gratefully open…to my flow…that I may step into the current of my flow and be guided…carried…that I may float…with the current…with gravity…with all the resources…seen and unseen...known and unknown…instead of resist them, ignore them, fight them.
I surrender to the higher good of my life. I lay down my burdens and struggles and float…and in doing so, create the life of my dreams, the life I am meant to live…the life, the journey where everything comes (and goes) naturally, easily, effortlessly, divinely.
I enter the flow…it is me...it is Divine.
I am grateful.
I forgive myself for where I am (where I'm not),
what I might have been (what I'm not),
and allow myself to be who I AM. Right Now.
I am here now. All has led me to be who I am. Every piece (good & bad, loving & hurtful, destructive & healing) has contributed to the totality of me. I shall use all these pieces. For they are all mine…all part of me…and they make me who I am today.
I honor both our joy and our pain. The suffering has led me to great insight. The challenges have made me strong--a survivor. But not like some iron-clad suit of armor. No. Strong and flexible--a true warrior. Open-hearted, loving and kind--yet fierce and protective when I need to be. Through the fire--my heart rips open even more. Through the pain, through the transformation, I love even more. I feel even deeper. Through my brokenness, I become Whole.
Resistance is hard. Swimming upstream is exhausting. Banging my head upon a closed door, got me nowhere but bruised and battered.
As I surrender deeper into me--into nothingness--into the One--I see it is not all for naught. It is all for Good--for the building of Me--for the work which pours out of me--for myself and for others to see.
As the last vestiges of resistance release their white-knuckled hands clinging in futile desperation, it is, finally, a relief. It feels good to let go. It feels good to stop fighting. It feels good to step into what is meant for me. It is scary, it is unknown, it is not quite safe--yet it is inevitable, as the force of the current is too strong for my meager clinging. I must let go and become what it is I am yearning to become. I must surrender to what is already happening, knowing it was meant to be.
As I exhale, my destiny unfolds before my very own eyes. I surrender to its true Glory and Beauty and Ultimate Wisdom. And I am grateful.
Om.
Thank you for reading.
Tanya
4 comments:
Lovely meditation piece. This writing is so much you, the resistance, the obstacles you endure, the struggle and chaos, all of which you've written about so passionately, but also the hope of seeing your journey through.
Great piece Tanya.
I appreciate being let in on your soulful journey, thank you.
Found your blog through Jennifer Lauck. Love it! Especially because I just moved from SoCal and the pictures on your blog are of my neighborhood which I'm very, very homesick for.
I loooooved my yoga teacher in LA (Birgitte Kristen from Yoga Works) and have yet to find a replacement that even comes close to her since moving. Glad to hear your yoga teacher is doing workshops all over the place. If he comes to the DC area, I'll give him a try.
Jenny,
I'll try to check out your yoga teacher too. Thanks. Let me know if there are specific areas you miss. I'll take photos and try to write a piece around it.
T
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