Why Blog?

Why blog, I ask myself? Why express yourself in this format?
Does anyone want to hear my meanderings on the page?
What do I have to say that hasn't already been said?
Perhaps more eloquently even?

How much do I reveal? How much do I hide?
When do I do the full frontal? When do I tantalize with pasties?
What is sacred material? What is insensitive?
When is sharing sensitive material groundbreaking?
When is it just plain gnarly, attention-seeking or even abrasive?
Even if it is heartbreaking or difficult to both write and receive?

If I unload my pain onto the page, will I be judged a pussy for not bucking up to my load in life? Especially when so many have suffered far worse?
Is your pain worse than mine? More damaging?
Can we measure pain?
If so, where do I fall on the Richter scale of damage?
Does it matter? (The measurement?)

And, if millions of us are "out there" spewing our voices into cyberspace,
Who is hearing them? Who is listening?
Who is it impacting? Where is it getting us?
What is the motivation? What is the benefit?
What happens with a world full of pain unleashed? Then what?

So just keep going, I tell myself…
the writing will lead you in, the writing will lead you out…
just remember, bird by bird buddy, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other…
the writing will bring you closer to your truth, your voice, your place…

As I stand on my blogger soapbox saying, this is radical, this is feminist, this is free speech, this is courageous, this is living out loud, this is life no holds barred, this is my truth, like it or lump it, read it or don't read it, shout it out from the rooftops…this is ME…and then…

People don't like it, people don't read it, people don't buy it, it is tossed aside like some used Styrofoam takeout container, my life contained within its greasy edges.

What if everyone is talking at once and no one can hear?
What if no one cares?
What if it doesn't matter?
What if it doesn't lead to anything?
What if it's just spewage, noise?

Or,

What if people do get it?
What if people glom on to me?
What if people misconstrue me?
What if people throw caustic barbs or denigrate me?
Hold me to every irreverent word?

This is my life. These are my thoughts. This is my Truth we're talking about here.

I suppose whenever you put yourself up on a stage, you are saying essentially, look at me. People are then bound to look at you and have thoughts, make comments, have judgements, perhaps disagree, throw rotten tomatoes. It's what we do. It's sport. But this isn't, oh, I just don't like your music, I don't listen to chick singers, I don't get your thing, your tits are too small, you're not hot enough, I don't hear a single. Or is it?

So, if I'm putting myself out there, remind me, where is it I'm going again?

I see I have more resistance… in the form of more questions…

Perhaps I'll put away the wine, pour myself a vodka, take 2 aspirins and call me in the morning.

***

Food for thought:

"What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open." - Muriel Rukeyser

"The universe is made of stories, not of atoms." - Muriel Rukeyser

"Blogging IS a feminist issue—and is perhaps its most subversive force." -Susie Bright

"Every time a woman's blog proclaims her intellect, her sexuality, and her nurture — all on the same page— she has diced the dominant paradigm." -Susie Bright

"The hand that blogs the cradle informs the world —this, the blog-her generation, is the crux of women's liberation that I thought had passed its due date. Who's drooling now?" -Susie Bright