Thursday, January 04, 2007

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

As the storms of December subside and I step back to review before turning to a new page, the lesson I am struck most with is "Letting Go."

Not just as in last year is done it's time to move on, but to let go of a deeper almost urgent need to touch, reach, connect, embrace, reciprocate.

As I examine this need for connection lately through swirls of misunderstanding, miscommunication, mixed messages, non-action, and drifting relationships, I recognize a base fear of mine.

Rejection.

Or more succinctly, abandonment.

This goes way back to a primal toddler need to connect, to love--in this case to the parents--for comfort, safety, security, and ah, yes, identity.

With one arm ripped away at 3, the other contorted and sometimes disconnected, it is rejection I felt rather than an embrace, and separation even though some were in close proximity. Self-assuredness becomes muddled. Control no matter how small and ineffective, attempts to offer security but usually backfires.

That thing, that thing I fear the most, is to face the fear of being, once again, alone. Unmet. Unrecognized.
That very same feeling of disconnection.

So, it occurs to me, so be it. Face the thing that appears the hardest to face. Make it go poof.

My new approach this year, one of the scariest and most risk-taking steps for one like me, is to let go. Let go of all needs and expectations. My need for personal or professional outcomes. My need for achievements. My need for connection. My need for understanding. My need to be admired or liked. My need for depth. My need for reciprocation, substantiation, or financial compensation. My need to fit.

Just. Let. Go.

So as I turn the page to a new calendar month and year, I challenge myself to dive off that cliff…


…hang-gliding…


…free-falling…


…into my destiny…


…wherever that takes me, with no expectations except to stay light, follow my intuition like a compass, and keep my heart open. Every moment a delight.

Nothing happening? Delightful.

Too much happening? Delightful.

Friends close by? Delightful.

Space and silence? Surely a delight as well.

Drop all expectations at the door, and step into delight in the moment.

3 comments:

Jerri said...

Blessings follow you on this (and all other) parts of the journey. Say a resounding YES to the Universe and leap into whatever awaits you.

Nancy said...

Came across your blog site through Carrie's and absolutely LOVED this piece. Encouraging words to live by... thank you.

Lee Wolfe Blum said...

To "be content in all circumstances," is a lifelong goal for me as well. thank you for this...great reminder to stay present and not miss the journey while you are on it!