Saturday, September 06, 2008

Light Travels

Been far away yet hovering close by. Been unplugged yet still plugged in. Been on forced vacation yet rarely left my home.

Been traveling in light years, inner dimensions, tracking waves and subtleties of light. Surrounded by ruby-red crystals I anchored down to the earth and met with divine intervention.

Due to my back situation, a herniated disk, I was forced to stop, do nothing, unplug. Due to another health situation, I was forced to stop, heal and rebuild. The message was clear: no carrying the family load, no summer writing project, limited computer time, no toxic input, no stressful save the schools, no taking on big government or its dysfunctional governmental systems. I was mandated to let go, release what wasn't working, surround myself with support, and rebuild my system.

I get it. Stop. Do not pass go. Do not even think about "doing." It's about un-doing. Not doing. Just. Being.


How many years I've been go-go-going, burning the candle at both ends, burning the midnight oil, burning through my reserves, bottoming out yet still somehow going…for the sake of something, for the sake of my family, for the sake of the school, for the sake of the community, for the sake of the bigger picture.

Not now.

The results came back from my adrenal-stress index and I was off the grid. Literally. Off the grid. The doc showed me the lovely curve of where one ideally would be. Another lower curve of what was "acceptable," and then my pathetic markings well below that and plummeting off the chart. I wasn't even on the chart. I was at Zero. Nothing. No production. Failure. I was in adrenal shutdown.


So you see, aside from all my symptoms, there I saw it, crystallized on the page and in no uncertain terms, MY LIFE HAD TO CHANGE.

The day before my mysterious back "injury" although I recall no sudden movement or injurious undertaking that might have produced a herniated disk, I remember feeling maxed out, stressed, pulled, resentful, screaming at my husband, "things have GOT to change. I can't go on like this!!!"

Bless the universe. It really does listen. Even when it seems no one else does. I guess it really, really likes me. :)

I spent the last two months at casa de mia on retreat, on a cleanse, with daily juicing, vitamin reinforcements, bio-identical hormones, adrenal support, frequenting the local farmers markets, eating fresh young coconuts, homemade almond milk and a dairy /gluten /sugar /caffeine /alcohol-free diet. I spent time with my family, without my family, with my healers, with my kitties, surrounded by love, immersed in light, in the depth of surrender, in deeper gratitude. What one might have considered a set-back, I considered a gift. A bigger offering: Non-doership. Healing. Going deep with it. Going home.

I turned off, plugged in, expanded my inner-vista. I put a moratorium on school business and self-imposed deadlines, and imposed severely selective internet time. If it wasn't raising my vibration, I was shutting it off.

What a feeling to just stop, nurture myself, return to the one. Surrounded by light, living in light, merging in light, I am a clear and direct channel. I see light everywhere, even in darkness, in bright little twinkles or diagonal slashes or ripples of reality. Is it just me or are colors unrealistically vivid, fluid and pulsating, jumping off the palette, a lifeforce of their own. It comes to me the enormity of it, what I'm being shown, and I can't help but follow. Expanding the vista, I live from the center, radiating outward and inward, the source of all there is.

Amazing what a difference a lifetime makes.

Or even two months.

As I float myself back, raised and buoyant, I am poised to have a stellar year. How can it be otherwise. It's all up from here.


Carrie Wilson Link said...

I love everything about this! I just sent my saliva test in the mail yesterday - fully expecting to get a stern talking to from my new naturopath when the results come back. I'm better than I used to be, but I have much to learn on practicing extreme self-care! She thinks all my hot flashes are adrenal related, not menopausal. I think so, too. I fit the profile. Perfectly. So glad you've done all that you've done - I'm inspired.

Michelle O'Neil said...


Beautiful work. Bless you and your wise, wise, back.

kario said...

This is terrific! It's amazing how often it takes a serious physical manifestation of our "overdoing it" to shock us into understanding.

Each moment a lesson - each time it will take less and less for you to stop and begin the self-care.